Leaked CSGO Dev Report Reveals New Metagame

Details have emerged of a leaked Counter-Strike: Global Offensive balance report by developer Valve, revealing the design team’s long-term vision for the tactical shooter.

The leaked report comes just days after the CS:GO community began expressing concerns that Valve’s most recent patch to the game included arbitrary and unnecessary changes to core gameplay mechanics.

According to the report:

“First of all, we noticed that players at all skill levels were having difficulty in using their $300 knives effectively in battle. After the proposed changes, we think that close-quarters combat will become a lot more intense. We’re aiming for a balanced game-state where each player needs to make the tough decision of whether to go use a knife, Tec-9, Zeus x27, or frantically no-scope with an AWP.”

The following tactical diagram was attached, indicating the expected relationship between the close-quarters combat tools available to players:
 

Having finally settled on a new balance model for melee combat, members of the balance team remembered that they had previously added the Zeus x27 taser gun into competitive play. In an effort to capitalize on its impending popularity, they have suggested that upcoming patches implement the following features for the Zeus:

•Skins
•Stickers
•Particle Effects
•Custom Screams [i.e. Sandstorm]

Expert CS:GO analyst Tobi ‘Tobiwan’ Dawson remarked that the changes would precipitate a colossal shift in the competitive CSGO metagame, and has already coined the term “flank-fryer,” which is essentially the same role as a flanker, but carried out using the Zeus x27.