Esports Express

Sky Marshal Williams Warns of Female Bug Threat

Recently self-appointed Sky Marshal Williams has this week revealed a number of prominent female League of Legends streamers are actually covert operatives acting on behalf of bug homeworld of Klendathu.

Sources say these secret bug agents posing as LoL streamers are reportedly discarding their exoskeletons on stream in an effort to attract adolescent viewers.

“We cannot allow innocent, impressionable teen males to be seduced by manipulative bug overlords,” said Williams, who called on all human females to set a wholesome, non-insectoid example. “We need women to be valued by their personalities and gameplay or else our entire world will be brutally conquered and subjugated by the alien hive.”

Williams also suggested that Riot design a skin for all human female champions like Katarina and Miss Fortune that covers everything but their eyes, as well as removing champions like Rek’sai and Elise entirely.

“The LoL streamers that deserve more viewers are the ones that have lungs, vertebrae, and aren’t irrationally attracted to lights,” added Williams, who went on to tell an anecdote in which a human female streamer was subjected to insect-based harassment when she rolled up her sleeve to scratch an itch, only to have the Twitch chat scream “show us your ovipositor” and “molt or gtfo.”

Williams claims that the infiltration began as early as Season 3, as evidenced by the jungle being dominated mostly by a large insectoid champion. Although the conspiracy originally attempted to remain as low key as possible, the advent and threat of the 2015 L.J League has driven the operatives to take more obvious measures, as the Japanese are used to combating large insects.

However, several prominent female Twitch streamers have denied the accusation that they plan to enslave the human populations of earth.

“Don’t be jealous of my unblemished chitin and perfectly segmented thorax,” said Twitch streamer and potential arthropod agent Kacey “Kaceytron” Caviness, who fluttered her compound eyes and preened her mandibles before emitting a low-pitched thrumming by vibrating her wing-casings. “I’m just using what the broodmother gave me in my pupal stage. Maybe people should focus more on the insectophile viewers instead.”



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