StarCraft Community Successfully Redefines Rape

After years of struggle, the StarCraft community has successfully changed the meaning of the word “rape” to no longer mean an act of forcible sexual intercourse.

The longstanding argument over the word’s usage in gaming culture was ignited when professional player Mihaylo “Kas” Hayda tweeted that he was “going to rape some girl soon” in an upcoming StarCraft 2 match in Fragbite Masters as he was set to play female competitor Madeleine “MaddeLisk” Leander.

Hayda later apologized for the tweet and received a disqualification from Fragbite, but despite these setbacks, the community was able to rape the linguistic opposition to allow free usage of the word.

“This is a victory for rapists everywhere,” said one fan. “And by rapist I don’t mean someone who forcibly performed sexual intercourse with someone else without consent. I mean someone who beat someone else really badly at a video game.”

While some members of the community supported Fragbite’s decision, arguing that usage of the word rape normalized sexual assault, those critics were thoroughly and repeatedly raped by statements from community figures.

“Your best bet is to treat women like little children,” said Stephen “Destiny” Bonnell. “No bad words, no mean comments, nothing you wouldn’t say to a 3 to 6 year old.”

He added, “it’s hard to take women seriously when they act like children.”

Industry analysts agree that child rape is not something to be talked about lightly, as frequent and continuous rape by stronger adults may discourage children from playing StarCraft altogether.

“Hello drama queen, I hope you’re not gonna cry too much aren’t you?” tweeted Silviu “NightEnD” Lazar in response to MaddeLisk. “Or you did already? Pathetic.”

Proponents of the new definition insist that those who have been raped should not take the rape too seriously, but rather should try to improve their play, as StarCraft is much more enjoyable as a rapist rather than as a rape victim.

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