MLG Announces MLG.tv Plays Pokémon Tournament

 
MLG has announced that the upcoming MLG Anaheim event in June 2014 will feature its first Pokémon tournament. Teams will compete for a first place prize consisting mainly of personal satisfaction that one can only gain from completing a relatively easy task while cooperating with extremely stupid people.

“Not really sure how mass-team Pokémon works,” said MLG VP Adam Apicella, shrugging and flexing his prominent trap muscles. “But I often talk to the StarCraft and Dota communities so I know how to effectively deal with mass idiocy.”

The tournament, whose official title is MLG Applebees All You Can Eat $9.99 Boneless Wings Wednesday MLG.tv Plays Pokémon Tournament, will pit teams of players against one another using the popular “anarchy” ruleset. Teams must consist of a minimum of 1,000 players and all players must present themselves at the venue four hours ahead of start time for registration and delousing.

“We’re confident we can win the first MLGAAYCE9BWWMPPT,” said one former Halo “bro” who has now switched to mass-Pokémon. He added, “MLG 420 no-ghost.”

Additionally, MLG announced that the following Pokémon will have their names changed to better market the game and promote sponsors:

BenQsaur (Bulbasaur)
Dodritos (Dugtrio)
iBuypowerkachu (Pikachu)
Sony Ericcson Squirtle (Squirtle)
Strideduck (Psyduck)
Dr. Pepper (Charmander)

The tournament will be played and streamed on MLG.tv, and while viewers will finally be able to appreciate the Nintendo Game Boy’s graphics in crystal clear 1080p, the platform poses a unique challenge for the reigning 100,000 player mass-Pokémon champion team TwitchPlaysPokémon. The team is accustomed to stumbling through the game using Twitch chat, and thus far has threatened to boycott MLG’s tournament unless certain chat emoticons are added.

“← → → a, → ↑ ↑a → ← ↑ ← ←,” said one Twitch chat user. “← → →, → ← ↑ ↑ b.”