Esports Express

Dardoch Reveals Intensive, Bizarre Abuse in Team Liquid House

 
After Joshua “Dardoch” Harnett was suspended from the main roster, the player fired back with a full expose about living conditions in the Liquid house that esports fans have called “shocking,” “beyond belief,” and “still not half as bad as what we expected from TL management.” Dardoch alleges that the Liquid house undertook bizarre rituals and team bonding exercises that deteriorated the mental health of the players, leading to poor sleep habits, an inability to focus, and the genuine belief that they could teamfight against Immortals.

An excerpt from Dardoch’s exposé: “Jokasteve woke me up at the witching hour and dragged me to a dark room, where Piglet and the social media interns were sitting at a wooden table in the basement. In the center was a revolver loaded with a single shot. Luckily, the only people who miss aspiring esports interns are other aspiring esports interns, so it’s kind of a self solving problem.”

Dardoch claims in the extensive Google Document that his tryout involved hosing him down with BBQ sauce, being passed a ritual bone knife, and then entering a steel cage with IWillDominate, who was crouched over the near-corpse of Andy “Smoothie” Ta and softly snarling “who’s the boosted animal now…?”

Team Liquid denies the document, replying to only a few of the allegations. “Jokasteve is a consummate professional who administers supplements of angel dust for solely medical and/or religious reasons,” Steve Archanet said in a statement to the press.

“And while we’re on the subject, Piglet has never ridden Lourlo like a majestic steed, using a genuine leather whip to crack other members of the team and staff.” Steve added. “I wouldn’t say we bleed talent so much as we let them go at 3am in a cloud of mystery and despair. Honestly, very little of this statement holds any merit.”

The Esports Express journalist sent to gather more information from Team Liquid was unable to uncover any truth behind these claims. Furthermore, in an unrelated series of events, acquired several copies of the HTC One A9TM for a very positive review incoming on this site… as soon as we figure out how to give it 11/10!!!

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