Harry Potter Dota: The Juking Lesson

 
Welcome to the fifth chapter of our ongoing series, which answers the question: In Harry Potter, what if instead of magic, it’s Dota 2?

Previous Chapters:

Oct 27 2014: 01 The Wardmaster
Jan 02 2015: 02 The Fogwards Express
Jan 09 2015: 03 The Shuffling
Jan 22 2015: 04 The First Blood
Jan 30 2015: The Juking Lesson

——————-

The Dining Hall

Months had passed since Ron and Demon’s duel, but the enmity remained between the two. Ron had held his own against Malfho through a combination of skill and blind luck. Unfortunately, he had to be taken to the Fogwards School Fountain to treat a broken nose from running into a wall once the match was over. Ron was sure that one of Demon’s henchmen smuggled a force staff into the hall, but of course 2GD had found no wrongdoing.

Harry was growing accustomed to his solitude in SlytheriNA, his isolation a direct result of the power and influence Demon had over the other SlytheriNA first years. He enjoyed lunch the most, as it was the only time of day — outside of 2GD’s Recipes class — that he was able to spend with Ron and Hermione.

On this particular day, Fogwards had decided use the snow tileset. It was Christmas eve, and Harry went to bed looking forward to the next day for the food and the fun, but not expecting any present drops at all.

At breakfast the next morning, Harry sat with Ron as he opened presents from his family. Hermione had gone home for the holidays.

“My mum finally sent me my wand recipe!!” Ron cried, but somehow his branches and stick would not fuse together. “I think I’m missing a branch?”

Ron looked up and noticed Demon smirking at him from across the room, an old, yellow branch in his hands.

“You wouldn’t dare,” Ron said, standing.

“Oh is this yours?” Malfho theatrically held out the branch as his friends at the table stifled laughter. “It would be a shame if…”

Ron’s mouth hung open.

Malfho slowly and deliberately snapped the branch in half. “… something were to happen to it.”

Ron’s stick was out immediately, but 2GD had already stepped between the two boys.

“Weasley, no dueling at breakfast.” 2GD was stone-faced but Harry saw a hint of a smirk.

“Malfho took my branch and broke it!” shouted Ron.

In response, Malfho rose to leave the room, and tossed some gold onto the floor at Ron’s feet.

“Buy yourself some skill too.”

——————-

House SlytheriNA

Harry returned to his room in the SlytheriNA dungeon to find his door slightly ajar and feared the worst. Vandalism or theft was a significant step up from simple shunning.

Instead, he found a bundle of small packages on his bed. Someone had sent him presents. He picked one of the boxes and read the attached letter.

Harry ,
It houhgt u me need thisk
ur frined,
mike

Harry opened the box and found a clarity potion and half of a “Sheva’s Gord” recipe that Mike had clearly attempted to write himself but had given up on halfway through.

He moved onto the second package.

To Harry
It was time you inherited this family item.
Use it well.
A Very Merry Christmas to you.
–Your Father

Harry’s glared at the note. Someone was playing a cruel joke on him, because his father was dead.

Inside the box was a crescent shaped amulet with a rounded blue gem at its center. Harry wore it on his neck, but nothing happened. Not wanting to show off in front of Ron, Harry took it off and stashed it in his pocket.

This only left one parcel. Harry unwrapped it and found a book, titled The Best Weird Tales of H.P. Lovecraft Level 1, sent to him from the Fogwards Headmaster’s Office.

He settled down to read.

——————-

House SlytheriNA

Winter break passed quickly enough for Harry, and classes were soon set to begin again. One morning, as Harry sat in the dimly lit SlytheriNA common room, each house received an official announcement that juking lessons for first years would begin that night. The lesson was especially important for those interested in trying out for their house’s Dota team, which rarely accepted first years.

SlytheriNA would take its juking lessons with GяўffiйdФr, and Harry already felt the weight of two houses’ expectations and judgment. His nervousness had not gone unnoticed. A book struck him in the back of head.

Harry quickly turned around and saw Demon’s support henchman Goyle looking innocently in the other direction. The boy hadn’t dared to confront him directly since Harry burned his hand back on the Fogwards Express train.

“Potter, you probably shouldn’t even try attend the juking lesson,” Malfho sneered, snatching the Juking Lesson information packet out of Harry’s hands. “You have no chance of even making a FEL team, let alone the official one.”

Malfho was speaking, of course, about the Fogwards Elite League, where students who didn’t make the official house teams could participate in an intramural league. It required a minimum level of marks in certain first year classes and someone from your house’s official team to “vouch” for you.

SlytheriNA’s FEL teams were widely considered the best, and Demon was captain of a team already. Harry decided right then that he’d be making one as well.

——————-

Fogwards Courtyard

Harry stood with Ron and Hermione as a makeshift forest sprang up around them.

An ambient voice boomed. “Sixty seconds until Round One.”

“Guys do you have any tangoes to give me?”

It was Jacky Mao. All students had been given a set amount of gold and a list of recommended items, but Jacky appeared to have spent all of his on a null talisman.

Ron and Hermione reluctantly gave him a tango each.

“Maybe you guys shouldn’t encourage him…” Harry said, once Jacky had left earshot.

The ambient voice boomed. “Ten seconds until Round One.”

“What happens in round one?” Ron asked.

“You didn’t do the reading?” Hermione said reproachfully.

Harry had no idea, as Malfho had stolen his information sheet. Hermione began to explain but was drowned out by a loud horn.

The other students had begun to shuffle back and forth, fearfully gazing upward. Harry mimicked them, feeling rather silly.

Suddenly, numerous lances of white-yellow light shot down from the sky, leaving scorch marks on the ground. Several students were promptly incinerated, including Ron, but they barely missed Harry.

As quickly as it began, the bombardment stopped. The horn sounded again.

“Sixty seconds until Round Two.”

Harry saw Malfho sneakily putting on a pair of purple boots.

He found Hermione eating a tango, half her hair singed black. “What’s next?”

“It’s random,” she replied, looking worried. “Ron will respawn right?”

As if on cue, Ron appeared next to them. “Dying really sucks. It all goes black and you just see–”

“Don’t look so sad Weasley, you didn’t have any gold to lose anyway!” Malfho shouted.

“Ten seconds until Round Two.”

The horn sounded, and this time the lights dimmed, night closed in around them.

“What is that smell?” Ron said, retching.

Several bloated shapes appeared at the edge of the courtyard and slowly advanced toward them, vanishing in a cloud of purple smoke. Harry gulped.

“They’re Pudges,” Hermione squeaked.

They saw Jacky Mao nervously glance behind him, only to have a large, metallic hook explode out of his chest, his intestines and blood splattering everywhere as he was drawn back toward the figure.

Harry watched as Hermione, Ron, and the other students were hooked one by one.

Harry quickly hid behind a tree, pulling a tango from his pocket in an attempt to carve his way further into the trees. He tried to remain as silent and still as possible. He could smell a Pudge walk toward him with a hook in one hand and a huge, bloodstained meat cleaver in the other. The Pudge seemed to look right at him, then moved on.

Why was Harry still alive? He glanced down at the unused tango, and noticed that he was holding the crescent-shaped amulet as well. He had accidentally pulled it out from his pocket. The blue gem at its center cast an eerie, purple glow. Harry stood and waited.

Finally, the horn sounded. Hermione, Ron and even Jacky Mao appeared again, fully intact, without a hole in his chest.

“Sixty seconds until Round Three.”

“You were the only one who survived that round!” Hermione said. “How did you do it?”

“I just…” Harry thought back to the Christmas package and the note. “…I just juked him.”

Thanks dad.