Future Dota Player Brings Terrible Warning

Physicists believe that a professional Dota 2 player has made contact with us from a distant future in which the competitive scene is ravaged by hypershuffling and tournament superabundance.

This player, Sumail “Suma1L” Hassan, was able to travel from Year 2110 by passing through a wormhole that formed near the supermassive Secret Shop line at The International 100. However, many fans and community figures are skeptical of his story due to his age and skill level.

“This kid is simply too bad to be from the future,” said one Reddit user. “The average MMR of r/dota2 100 years from now is probably over 23,000.”

While many fans are troubled by EG, C9, and Team Secret’s recent player swapping, Hassan warns of a brutal future where a reshuffle period occurs between the group stages and final bracket of The International. In fact, teams in 2110 have been announcing the departure of players they have yet to sign.

“I am very happy to announce that I am joining Cloud≜ for the upcoming week,” said Henrik van der Heijden IV. “Unfortunately I am leaving EG, and also joining and leaving Virtus.Pro.Duck.US.”

As soon as TI18, tournament saturation will have reached critical mass, with ESL One Qatar, DreamHack Nuclear Winter, XMG Captain’s Draft 23.0, StarLadder CXIV, WEC 2028, The Summit 45, and MLG Kentucky all occurring within the same month.

Rather than fly the teams through 1,654 hours of aggregate air travel, the tournament organizers have decided to centralize all LAN finals in one location, where teams will play continuously for thirty days and nights.

Hassan was especially excited to meet EG’s Clinton “Fear” Loomis, but was disappointed to learn that the extra Razer Bionics™ battery packs he had purchased as a gift were incompatible with Fear’s current protein-based human arms.