Esports Express

Unexpected Growth in SC2 Player Base Could Prove Fatal

A recent study conducted over the past month has discovered an unexpected growth in StarCraft 2’s player base. The community thus far has reacted to the news with the typical combination of dread and self-hate, fearing that this growth may finally kill off SC2.

“We don’t know if this growth is benign or malignant,” said user aiurforceone. “Sometimes growth can become cancerous to the community.”

ESPORTS oncologists have urged fans and players not to panic, as the growth is almost entirely in the number of Protoss players on ladder. According to statistics, Zerg players are the most at-risk race for cancerous tumors, which are found spreading wildly in almost every Zerg match played.

“We believe StarCraft 2 could handle the treatment,” said SK Telecom team physician Kwun Oh Hyuk. “The community has lots of experience dealing with this level of toxicity.”

However, in spite of this expert advice, the community is already preparing for the worst.

“Irradiate doesn’t exist in SC2,” said user duckdeongoose. “Maybe there is some stim cell research or treatment.”

For the moment, the growth appears to be largely contained within the bronze ranks, but could metastasize to other leagues if left untreated.

The growth was initially discovered by Protoss player Samuli “elfi” Sihvonen, who had a medical check-up after watching the American comedy-drama film 50-50 starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Seth Rogen. The film deals with cancer awareness, treatment, and survival.

“I thought the movie was about PvP,” said Sihvonen.

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