Off-season Brings Drama and Speculation, But No High-Level Gameplay

 
With Sunday, October 25th marking the onset of the League of Legends off-season, North American and European fans across the world can drink their fill of roster swaps, benching, and vaguely-ominous PR statements.

“I will admit that I’ll miss watching the game,” admitted EU fan /u/YiOfLittleFaith. “I mean, just looking at the rest of October, there’s nothing but no-name tournaments — ESL UK Premiership, the 2015 Brazil Mega Cup, the 2015 World Championship Finals — nothing interesting.”

A major drawback of the off-season for Western fans is the inability to watch high-level LoL gameplay, something that many would think they’d have become accustomed to. Nevertheless, fans anticipate that this off-season will be the most exciting yet. In just the past week, the North American scene has already produced scenes of mystery, drama, and heartbreak.

“We wanted to find a way to thank Hai for helping his former teammates, so we just went ahead and lashed Hai’s spirit to an eternal totem of bone and sinew so that he could never leave us,” said former support player and new coach Daerek “Lemonnation” Hart as he restrained Hai in his blue-and-white body cast.

“Please, just let me die,” begged Hai as more of his body parts began to break.

Meanwhile, Andy “Reginald” Dinh continues his nightly ritual of tucking his little pølse into bed and then leaving to search for four new team members that can help restore TSM’s exclusively North American dominance. Experts are unsure if Reginald will be able to find a new roster, given that he only has the largest budget out of any North American team, and offers lackluster career development like vaguely being instructed to ward more.

In an effort to follow TSM’s model of success, Team Dignitas has rebranded itself as Team 5 Really Good Players. When asked how he could then explain Cloud 9’s failures, T5RGP’s Manager Michael “ODEE” O’Dell commented, “Well, fuck.”

Counter Logic Gaming has been experiencing its own share of roster troubles, such as benching star midlaner Eugene “Pobelter” Park and coach Chris “Blurred Limes” Ehrenreich. Currently, the prevailing fan theory is that coach Chris was running an underground fighting ring in the basement of the team house, wherein Pobelter reigned supreme as the “King of the Ring.” The ruse was going well until HotshotGG caught his spry midlaner, face slick with sweat and Gatorade, wrestling a crate full of ferrets while Chris cheered him on.

Other breaking stories include TSM TL C9T Keith McBrief’s continuing journey of piecrust promises, and HKE’s most recent press release in the form of a crossword puzzle.

And also the Season 5 World Championship, which begins Saturday at 7AM EDT.