Riot Disables Kirei as Part of Lore Event

 
In one of many steps taken to revitalize its lore, Riot Games has decided to implement real-life lore events in its tournament games, starting with a dramatic EUCS Semi-Finals pitting Team Dignitas EU vs Denial eSports.

“At a very broad level, we’ve decided to push League’s story beyond its original focus on explaining in-game action and recognize the story’s potential to affect every element of League of Legends — including the players themselves,” said gnarrative gnovelist Tommy Gnox. “The LoL community really enjoyed the removal of Gangplank from the game as a lore event, so we decided to remove a professional player from the computer during a game.”

In a new iteration of LoL narrative, Gangplank’s sudden return to Summoner’s Rift strikes fear into all who celebrated his death, including famed hunter Rengar, who now fears reprisal at the hands of his former (retconned) master. This crippling terror forces Rengar to hide uselessly at the spawn of his base, causing his team to lose.

Narrative Lead Scott “RiotJaredan” Hawkes said, “The complete domination of DEU by Denial through superior mechanics, map control, and teamwork in game one had simply written us into a corner. There was no possible way for Dignitas to make the comeback we needed to wrap up our bildungsroman. The only option left was a sloppy DDoS Ex Machina.”

“In just a few days, we’ll be releasing more poorly written, hilariously incredulous lore on how Kirei was kidnapped by Gangplank to sell to Viktor in order to revive Urgot so that they can kill Jayce and steal a crystal, or something, I don’t fucking know,” added Jaredan. “The sentence I just said verbatim would be better than old lore, so the bar isn’t set very high.”

“It’s incredibly ridiculous that Riot would allow an official tournament to be compromised by a DDoS,” complained Denial toplaner Wickd, displeased with the Denial of Service. “The only thing more preposterous than that would be allowing a global event, viewed by millions globally, to be DDoS’d simply because you wanted in-client spectating.”

Our reporter was able to gain a snippet of what the lore team was able to produce within five minutes of Kirei’s disconnect. No further edits are expected before the text is released officially:

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