Riot Recalls Recall

 
Video game developer Riot Games has issued a mass recall of hundreds of millions of recalls due to a disastrous case of semolina poisoning. The recalled recalls contained a bug that eliminated channel time, greatly disrupting the flow of the game. When a Riot programmer was asked to comment, he replied, “What are those?”

A Riot spokesperson, surrounded by the families of League players poisoned in the freak pasta accident, spoke frankly:

“Our devotion to developing ESPORTS has caused us to overlook the foundations of our game’s code,” head bowed, he continued, “We regret that lives have been negatively affected, and we hope to make amends at the earliest and most profitable opportunity.”

One of the widows stepped forward to make a statement but tripped on a chair, getting 300 gold and experience.

Some players have expressed the view that the excitement over this bug is overblown.

“At least you can’t swap Blade of the Ruined King with the recall button, or recall while buying Mejai’s to instantly get 20 stacks,” said /u/PantheonGloss. “Or cause Jarvan ult to disappear by recalling next to it, or use recall to make Sion’s ult turn sharp corners, or have recalling characters show up on different parts of the minimap, or fly into the sky when recalling next to a Trundle pillar, or cause Nidalee spears to disappear by recalling, or recall and disconnect to make Zz’Rot Portals deal 1500 damage, or deflect Lissandra’s ultimate while recalling, or recall on Jayce’s Acceleration Gate to kill all the minions within, or have Fiora’s ultimate go on permanent cooldown when used on a recalling character, or have uninterrupted recall when the action is queued before a stun or snare, or be forced to recall permanently when Yorick uses Omen of Death while recalling, or Azir.”

It is yet unknown how Riot will use this bug in their reasoning to nullify Gambit’s victory over Origen.

Due to plethora of game-changing bugs, the speedrunning community’s interest in League of Legends has blossomed. Indeed, legendary speedrunner Cosmo Wright has discovered that as Ekko — with a Crystalline Flask and a Doran’s Blade — placing Parallel Convergence on the very edge of the character model, using a flask just as the sphere lands, and recalling in a bush exactly 101 frames later, causes the enemy nexus to explode.

Speedrunners have also discovered how to reprogram Riot’s code with strategic placement of Teemo mushrooms, Zyra seeds, and Syndra balls. Riot has applauded the speedrunners’ actions, as their efforts have led to a sandbox mode.

Having taken steps to solve the bug, Riot Games has already begun to ignore and deny the glitch’s existence in order to take advantage of League of Legend fans’ inability to convert short-term memories into long-term. Riot Eglorian had this to say in his Ask.fm: “I do not recall recalling recalls.” The League of Legends community was not surprised by Riot’s actions, as this would not be the first time they’ve ignored bugs.

During this episode, Riot is said to have briefly considered pressing the large red button in their headquarters that immediately fixes all bugs and prevents future ones, but decided against it.