ESPN Reassures Worried Parents, Sons Athletes

 
Esports has made yet another landmark breakthrough into popular culture, with ESPN announcing a special esports edition of its regular periodical. The move aims to help bring the now totally mainstream pursuit of competitive video gaming to a broader audience and reassure the parents of promising cyber-athletes that their wastrel progeny are the titans of tomorrow.

That said, few sports fans are prepared to step directly into the heady world of digital competitors. Too often, the impassioned glossolalia of esports devotees serves only to drive would-be spectators away from esports altogether. With that in mind, ESPN has developed a “cheat sheet” for the devout esports fan hoping to introduce newcomers to the community.

Key notes from the article include:

• Avoid using your dankest memes, start with your most basic baby memes.
• Talk about how a working age adult can make a living by filming himself opening boxes.
• Do not tell a hilarious anecdote that stars a grown man who calls himself “NintendudeX.”
• When sharing your favourite League of Legends merch, ESPN suggests you show off your Teemo hat or perhaps a figurine, while life-sized electrosensual models of a customised erotodile Renekton can remain stowed safely in your closet.
• You cannot AFK in real life.

Riot Games has echoed the sentiment, and encouraged fans to point their loved ones towards all of the positive press League has received recently from reputable, respected publications like Forbes, Business Insider, and the New York Times. Esports also appeared in the Daily Mail.

Recognizing their target demographic, Riot has released a 40-word guide for its fans to read during show-and-tell.

The drive for mainstream acceptance has not been well-received in all quarters, however. Many are upset that the wrong arbitrary skill is being used to entertain people. Nevertheless, esports fans remain hopeful that this is yet another step toward acceptance.

“I’ll just show this magazine to mother, and then she’ll know that I’m not wasting my life,” said one 27-year-old fan, wiping tears from his eyes. “She’ll see that I have a future in esports. I just need to get out of elo hell. Then she’ll be proud of me. I know it.”