Esports Express Announces Glorious Return to StarCraft 2 for LotV Beta

After nearly four months of StarCraft 2 inactivity since their failed Kickstarter, satire publication Esports Express has announced intentions to return for the Legacy of the Void Beta along with several other notable currently SC2-inactive personalities.

“I am returning after my hiatus for the quick LotV cash grab,” said Sean “Day9” Plott, who recently hired Matthew “looknohands” Fink as a dedicated moderator for his Twitter account. “My first Daily will explain the most efficient strategy to extract maximum value from one of the LotV free money stations.”

He added, “I learned about value from Hearthstone personalities like Trump and Artosis.”

Sources inside Blizzard have indicated that if it were not for Plott and other notable figures’ relentless positivity as SC2’s viewership stagnated, the video game company would have fixed every single issue the community had with StarCraft 2.

“Day9 came back for the money while I came back for the passion,” said Steven “Destiny” Bonnell. “I’m like, five steps ahead of him. I returned before he even left.”

StarCraft 2 fans have urged commentators and personalities to remain faithful and monogamous to their initially declared game (unless it’s Brood War) like a traditional marriage, rather than stray to multiple games, like regular sports or other interests in literally anything else.

“I have not watched any True Blood because I am a loyal Game of Thrones fan,” said one StarCraft player. “Though maybe I can watch both shows and not Mad Men because I’m an HBO fan and not an AMC fan. Or maybe I can watch all of them and not The Avengers Age of Ultron because I’m a TV fan. Wait maybe I can watch all of that and not read books because I’m a digital media fan. Or maybe I can do all of that but not listen to music because I am a fan of things I see with my eyes. I have decided to watch all shows with the sound off because I am very loyal to my sense of sight.”

The StarCraft 2 community quickly recognized the inherent hypocrisy of supporting content “creators” who return to consume StarCraft’s fan resources and move on, like the aliens from Independence Day, a movie that many loyal SC2 fans surely have not watched because it is not a StarCraft tournament.

“Imagine what NBA fans must have felt when Michael Jordan left for baseball and then returned for a quick basketball cash grab,” said r/StarCraft fan who angrily emailed Jordan’s sponsors Nike and Gatorade. “I think MJ might be viewbotting.”