Esports Express

Riot Granted Patent for Time Machine

Future sources predict in A.D. 2025 Riot Games will be granted a patent on a functional time machine and is currently using it to modify the existing Earth-1 timeline in an effort to further promote their popular League of Legends video game.

Critics are worried that the actions of Riot in the future could lead to the destruction of all Riot-unapproved video games in this branch of the multiverse, specifically Valve’s Dota 2.

“Well, we’re not even sure if Future Riot is malevolent,” said a present-day Riot official. “It probably just wants eSports to grow.”

However, evidence suggests that Future Riot has already sent back the first “Pendragon” terminator-robot to destroy the largest “Defense of the Ancients” community in 2010. Despite the website’s destruction, the mission was not successful in preventing Dota 2 from being developed.

Future Riot would try again in February 2026, this time dispatching a Pendragon 2000 to 1970 to assassinate Gabe Newell, who would go on to be the co-founder and managing director of Valve Corporation.

“The Pendragon 2000 was totally OP, especially in 1970,” said a now-retired police officer. “Riot please nerf.”

Resistance forces were able to send back a reprogrammed Pendragon to protect the Newell family but could not stop the more advanced robot from engineering a car accident. Newell, who was 8 years old at the time, survived the collision as the impact was greatly softened by the multiple hats he was wearing.

The Future Riot time traveling assassin robot was finally stopped when it was lured onto train tracks and crushed by an oncoming steam locomotive. Resistance leaders are urging Dota 2 lead developer “IceFrog” to remain in hiding.

Unfortunately, despite numerous witnesses, no evidence of the incident exists because replays were not developed yet.

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