North Korea Forms Dota 2 Team

The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (North Korea) has announced that it has formed a Dota 2 team amid reports that a “Dota 2 arms race” was brewing in the South Korean Nexon Sponsorship League.

The NSL’s second season was won by team MVP Phoenix who brought in former Evil Geniuses veteran and gymnasium enthusiast Jimmy “DeMoN” Ho for a month. Additionally, the two teams remaining in the third season of the NSL are composed almost entirely of non-Koreans, including another ex-EG player Jio “Jeyo” Madayag who joined team Eyes of Tiger immediately before the finals.

“We will not tolerate this level of Dota conflict escalation from South Korea,” said an official from the state-run Department of Transnational Aggression. “Immigrating Jeyo is an act of war we must respond accordingly.”

The Pyongyang Sun-Times writes that the DPRK team is expected to take first place in The International 4 in August 2014 with a straightforward strategy of crossing the river demilitarized zone and destroying all of South Korea’s barracks. It is reported that despite practicing 30,000 games, the team has never been defeated and only spawns on the radiant side.

“Our team has been nurtured with the fatherly care of the dear leader himself,” said r/Pyongyang user KimJongUndying. “North Korea never feeds, in game or in real life.”
 

 
 
However, troubling information has leaked regarding the conditions for players on the North Korean servers. Sources within the DPRK have reported that a single tango has inflated to 8,000 gold and when purchased is unusable without the express permission of the Great Leader to chop down one of his sacred trees.

Pyongyang has stated that games on its servers have a perfect 0% report and abandon rate, but many are skeptical of those statistics as well as the report that in Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un’s first Dota game, he achieved all last hits in every lane along with 53 kills for a final score of 18,200 GPM.

“There are no reports because everyone is muted,” said one anonymous player. “Everyone is in low priority queue and fights year beast all day to earn tokens for the Great Leader.”

The NSL Season 3 finals between Team Zephyr and EoT Hammer is scheduled for Saturday, February 15.