Esports Express

Medical Officials Desperately Trying to Contain Trophy-Transmitted Pandemic

 
Global medical experts have confirmed that a trophy-transmitted disease has infected members of several international organizations, with disastrous effects. The plague, known by its scientific name R. Teezy, has now been classified as a Phase 6 global pandemic, after the contagion had spread to the European continent.

“Experts have coined this disease the ‘Benjamin Button Syndrome,’ due to its reality-defying ability to turn grown men into furious toddlers,” stated leading statistical researcher Alan “Nahaz” Bester. “Some extreme cases of the disease have victims devolve further into directors of KeyTV.”

Staring at the smoking ruins of London, Ontario, Nahaz explained, “The virus may have been released from labs during a series of tests rumored to be searching for a cure for premature greying.”

The international pandemic has lead millions of refugees to seek asylum to China, the region least likely to acquire a Major trophy.

“You two go on ahead of us!” screamed Jacky “EternaLEnVy” Mao to Rasmus “MiSeRy” Filipsen and Aliwi “w33” Omar, as the former Secret players boarded the last helicopter out of Turkey. “We’ll try to slow Arteezy down.”

In a desperate attempt to purge the infection, Valve Corporation has formed hazmat-equipped kill squads, which roam the country in an effort to eliminate all potential or current infected.

“He only likes Yung Lean ironically,” hysterically protested a weeping mother as her son was dragged from their home.

Medical officials have been attempting to create a cure based on OG, the only team to win a Major and not hire Arteezy.

At the time of writing, the human race was all but extinct, save for one survivor, Artour “Arteezy” Babaev. As the last man on earth, the Canadian lost The International 6 against Unfair bots.

 
 
 

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