Airport security has reported compLexity Gaming for toxicity, after detecting alarming levels of glue absorbed by the Dota team. To keep these players isolated from the regular player base, Chinese officials have delayed the North American team’s return to their homeland of Sweden.
Normally, to leave low priority, coL would have to win but a single match against pubs, such as EHOME — a relatively simple feat for actual pro players.
”Unfortunately, due to coL playing in our region, the situation is much more complicated,” said Perfect World tournament manager Lao Zi Sho Gai in a video response. “compLexity will now have to win another Major under our banner if they want to leave LP.”
“I guess we’re just going to have to hold another Major in Shanghai,” he added, the grainy camera slowly revealing the team seated against a concrete wall, burlap hoods draped over their faces.
In the meantime, Perfect World claims to be making every concession to keep the team “comfortable” and “securely” contained until they negotiate another Major contract with Valve. coL has been provided with relaxing spa services, a $75 fruit dish, and even oxygen rated to a survivable AQI. However, due to the current shortage of keyboards, two of the players will have to share one and play hotseat.
At the time of writing, pressure was building for Valve to respond to Perfect World’s demands, after PW claimed to have “lost” Roman “Ramzes” Kushnarev himself.