Esports Express

Cloud 9 Management Trying to Remember Something Important

 
Both the manager and head coach of Cloud 9 struggled to recall something important during their weekly Monday meeting, sources say. The two people have yet to make any breakthroughs, but they are under the impression that the important matter had something to do with their starting lineup in Week 3.

“I had a big realization yesterday, but all of a sudden I can’t remember what it was,” admitted General Manager Jack Etienne, as the six players of Cloud 9 banged on the 3-inch thick soundproof glass windows to the management office.

Etienne, who has been suffering from a severe lapse of memory, is also trying to figure out how a large colored spinner labeled “Support” landed on his desk, along with the note “We feel you need this more than us.”

“The weirdest thing happened this morning, when I found ‘Start Hai’ scribbled in large caps on several pages of my notebook” said Head Coach Daerek “LemonNation” Hart. “I think I was reminding myself to do more team bonding to raise morale.”

Confusion reached a climax when a mysterious package was delivered to the Cloud 9 house. Inside the parcel was simply a VHS tape of TiP vs. C9 overlaid with screaming.

Outside, players continued their desperate attempts to catch the attention of their managers. Nicolaj “Jensen” Jensen had collected a bucket of dead spiders and had been busy squashing them against the glass, while Zachary “Sneaky” Scuderi held up a poster that read “haiW Kreygasm DendiFace BibleThump.” Meanwhile, Hai “Hai” Lam polished his golden ring with foreign lettering, as Michael “Bunny FuFuu” Kurylo watched while swallowing audibly.

“Oh! We should put Rush on Nidalee!” Etienne said with sudden realization, before slumping back in his chair and questioning why he would feel the urgent need to remind himself of such an obvious strategy.

“Are we starting Bunny?” asked LemonNation.

“Yeah,” grumbled Etienne as he furrowed his brow and felt vaguely uncomfortable with the current state of his team.

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