Three Suspected in Sonneiko Visa Attack

 
Authorities have announced that they have narrowed their list of suspects in the case of Akbar “SoNNeikO” Butaev’s missing visa to three different ESPORTS conspiracies, each of which with a history of sketchy activity around previous International tournaments.

Real Life DDoSers:
Given the regularity with which Na`Vi’s matches have been subject to distributed denial of service or “DDoS” attacks, ESPORTS police allege DDoSers have submitted thousands of fraudulent visa application packets, forcing United States Citizenship and Immigration Services to mass reject to all visa applications from the CIS region.

Last Surviving Member of Rat Dota Subspecies:
Some reports indicate that Butaev’s visa has already been granted, but intercepted as it flew to him by by what conservationists claim could be the last of the once numerous woodland rat “bunomys heinrichi.”

While bunomys heinrichi once flourished, extensive deforestation has driven it to the brink of extinction. Now, zoologists posit that one last specimen has surfaced in Northern Europe.

Experts have theorised this lone rat, unable to follow its traditional migrational route from the dense wooded regions of Sweden to Seattle this year, has been forced to prepare for the harsh winter by building a nest in the dense paperwork necessitated by Visa applications.

Cultists from the Church of Standintology:
According to cultists dedicated to the worship of the shifting vagaries of Dota 2’s proscene, the black book of Dota 2 pro-gaming is very specific on the procedure for repeat visa denials. The rites are well-documented and detailed in the Libro Flamma, though which of the stand-in elementals will be summoned remains hotly contested among esports philosophers.

According to famed Dota occultist Aleister Drowley’s Dota Bestiary,

“There are three ‘prime stand-ins’ that may be summoned by the rite:

Jimmy “Demon” Ho – A malevolent trickster spirit summoned by MYM for TI1, EG for TI2, and Liquid for TI4, his puckish exuberance is as likely to win games by landslides as it is to lose matches wholesale.

Mason “Mason” Venne – A pub elemental from one of Dota’s trench netherplanes, summoned by EG for TI4, Mason has the capacity to help a team realise their truest potential for one season, after which he must be banished to the murk from which he was spawned.

Steve “Excalibur” Ye – Summoned too soon to aid Fnatic in its quest for TI4 glory, Excalibur allows a team moderate success in any tournaments they have already entered, before consuming the team with drama and infighting. Currently Excalibur exists in a non-playing, stoned state from which only Pendragon and his wizard Merlini may awaken him.”