BTS Casters Struggle to Adapt to Life After Sponsor Shoutouts

 
Dota 2 broadcasting studio and tournament host Beyond the Summit indicated this week that their staff is having difficulty returning to their normal, day-to-day activities after the Summit 3’s orgiastic outpouring of sponsor shoutouts.

After the tournament, David “GodZ” Parker remains bedridden at the local hospital, having overdosed on Red Bulls while shooting a promotion. When asked for comment, Parker added, “It’s either the Red Bulls or the three Gigabyte motherboards I ate.”

Dakota “Kotlguy” Cox and Andrew “Zyori” Campbell lost the ability to use theScore smartphone app, their hands frozen permanently in the Vulcun logo salute.

“It’s OK, we’re both huge Star Trek fans,” said Campbell, whose favorite character was pre-haircut Worf. “Shoutout to the House of Martok and to Guinan for keeping it real.”

Both casters are reportedly attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings to cope with their sponsor shoutout addiction but were quickly kicked out of meetings. The California Inland Empire AA group leader stated: “Here at AA we have always wanted sponsors to receive more recognition and appreciation.”

Sources say David “LD” Gorman remains trapped in an exuberant “shoutout cycle” from which there was no escape, stopping only briefly to sign a contract to be sponsored by the local synagogue.

“I’m not Jewish, but all that matters is that Reddit thinks I am,” said Gorman, who was slowly handed money one bill at a time from another new sponsor, ShamWow. “Hopefully they don’t feel going to temple or sponge-cloths with advanced suction capabilities are too dangerous for kids.”