Esports Express

Sakurai Prime Suspect in MVG Sandstorm Sabotage

After an exhaustive two-day investigation, MVG authorities have concluded that Super Smash Bros series creator Masahiro Sakurai was responsible for the power outage during the MVG Sandstorm tournament in the third game of the Grand Finals between Adam “Armada” Lindgren and Weston “Westballz” Dennis.

Sources say Sakurai, while dressed as Zero Suit Samus from Smash 4, was able to roll behind event security personnel and unplug the GameCube on which the match was being played. Many speculate that Sakurai’s actions were motivated by jealousy toward Melee receiving more stream viewers than his newest game, Smash 4.

“We have reason to believe that all problems that occurred at MVG Sandstorm were due to Sakurai’s sabotage,” said one MVG official who referred to himself as “totally not Triforce.”

He then produced a list of allegations recorded on the back of a receipt for seven cans of Chef Boyardee cheese ravioli:

1. Sakurai attempted to sabotage the setup that HungryBox and Westballz were playing on, forcing MVG to switch to a “Sakurai-proof” TV with a more mechanically difficult remote control

2. Sakurai used the inaccurate Japanese spelling of “Phoenix” on the $25 official MVG Sandstorm t-shirt

3. Sakurai named Zero and M2K’s team “Don’t hate us because we’re autistic” because “autistic” in Japanese actually means 俺たちはいまイカでセックスを持つ which translates to “beautiful team of friendship”

4. Sakurai made a cross motion with his hands and cancelled the finals of what he referred to as the “Game That Must Not Be Named”

5. Sakurai personally banned all non-casuals from Twitch chat who also happened to be those criticizing MVG

6. Sakurai altered the bracket, seeding Mew2King fifth, while MVG had intended to seed him eighth.

7. Sakurai taped a handgun to Leffen’s controller so it was seized by the TSA upon entry into the United States.

8. Sakurai tore up the broadcasting contract MVG had established with NBC, stating that “No contracts, FOX only, Final Destination”

Sakurai also reportedly prevented William “Leffen” Hjelte from boarding his flight back to Sweden by stealing the second plane ticket that TSM had purchased for Hjelte’s ego.

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