Headstrong Investigative Journalist™ Richard Lewis has confronted the /r/leagueoflegends moderators on the roof of an abandoned Santa Monica office building — the culmination of weeks of investigation that brought Lewis deeper and deeper into a dangerous conspiracy. Cleanly taking out the Riot-funded mercenary bodyguards, Lewis was able to personally meet the conspirators who had made his life a living hell.
“I want justice,” demanded the veteran ESPORTS reporter as he held the mods at gunpoint. “I want revenge. But most of all, I want answers.”
Richard Lewis was a simple journalist with one fatal flaw; he would go to any lengths to find the truth. What had started as a single, innocuous leak by YouTuber “Gnarsies” had cascaded into a game of cat-and-mouse between Lewis and his new-found, powerful enemies: /r/leagueoflegends, The Score Esports, Riot Games, ESL, Cloud9, Team SoloMid, Alex Garfield, Azubu, the Knights Templar, actor George Clooney, the Republic of San Marino, and his sentient reflection.
Announcing that he was following in the footsteps of journalistic greats like Brian Williams, Lewis claimed that he saw “sights more horrifying than Urgot vs. Cho mid in NA LCS.” The ESPORTS journalist detailed some of the horrors he saw beneath the utopian surface of the subreddit:
• A small Korean child, forced by WTFast to brutally mine away latency clog-up in the depths of the Riot servers, while being whipped by a power-mad KoreanTerran, shouting “We do this for free! There will be no dissent!”
• A line of robed, jackbooted mods eagerly signing away their identity in a super-charged NDA that forbade the mods from disclosing anything stored within their neurons.
• A propaganda factory, comprised of hundreds of people who could compose well-crafted arguments on Reddit, that churned out pro-Riot, anti-Richard Lewis material in order to confuse the innocent public with their logical points and solid criticism.
Mr. Lewis did more than just passively view; the talk show host claimed that he drew a “First Blood” of his own when /r/leagueoflegends mods sent a flurry of hitmen after him, knowing that he was too close to the truth. With a flurry of biting witticisms and hard hitting reports, Lewis dispatched the hit squad.
Tracking the wet squad back to their client, Lewis ended up on the rooftop of the /r/leagueoflegends headquarters, armed only with his strong sense of moral clarity, his two fists, and his verified Twitter account, facing down the vicious oppressors who sought to silence him. He thought he had the upper hand on the rooftop, when he was surprised by the sudden appearance of /u/esportslaw, armed with an MP-40.
“What are you doing here?” exclaimed Lewis to his ally and comrade at the Daily Dot, but he received only a slug to the shoulder as a response. Cackling loudly, KoreanTerran drew his pistol and leveled it at Lewis’s temple.
“Listen, Mr. Lewis,” KoreanTerran begged, petting his Persian cat and gathering his heavy silk robe around him, “I’ll step down from the mod team if you can promise me that no personal information is posted.”
Stopping to twirl his finely waxed mustache, he added, “Helluva deal, right?”
And perhaps to a less-principled journalist, one with a weak sense of justice, it might have been.